Lisa Marie Murphy-West

Mom, today a boy asked me to go to his prom. It reminded me of the time I experienced what I thought was my first broken heart. One of my good friends older brothers got a new girlfriend. I was "in love" with him, so I was absolutely crushed to hear the news. He asked her to go to his prom and I wished sooooo badly it could have been me. I wanted to go to prom! You told me that there would be plenty more boys to come and that my life was not over ( although I insisted that it was). Now that I've been asked and I'm scared outta my mind that I'm gonna make a complete fool of myself, I think of you. You're probably laughing right now and saying that my wish finally came true... five whole years later. Thanks for all the laughs, mommy. I miss you and love you so much. I'll do my best to not make a complete fool of myself.... :)
                                           Thanks for watching over me..... -bri

      "Why is it always the kindest, sweetest, most generous, and nicest people that suffer the most hardship? The person everyone loves the most, the one who never disappoints, the individual that loves life; this is the one that will become ill, dies, or is betrayed. It is out of the blue, completely one hundred percent unsuspected. One may ask, “Why is a God that says He loves us so much putting us through so much pain?” From innocent, yet dying, starving children … to the bully at school who secretly wishes to fall asleep that night and not wake up, people everywhere are being hurt. Is this the end? What have we come to? These questions and many more are asked on a daily basis either aloud or in one’s mind. Yet, it still begins with something seemingly simple. Life began with God. Life ends with God. Two facts, but we still question it. Why does He give life to us if He can so easily take it away? Why give us people to love when the pain of losing them is so unbearable we want to hurt ourselves just to be with them? Does He enjoy watching us suffer?

No. Life begins with God. Life ends with God. Life is God. And life is not easy. The kindest, sweetest, most generous, and nicest people suffer to teach those around them a lesson. They live life to the fullest to show the ones they love how important it is not to waste one breath. They can handle the heartache, pain, and suffering with absolute grace. We should love life. Life is God and God loves us. He has to instill conflict in our lives to teach us, His children, what we have not yet learned ourselves."
 
I wrote this after you died, mom, and I feel every word is true. I miss you so much and it's been so hard without you. At off season practice for basketball today, we were in the middle of running a 200 when I couldn't breathe. I SWEAR I saw you. I saw you smiling at me at the end of the track and I was so shocked I had to stop running. My coach understood and let me sit out for a little while until I calmed myself down. Today was HARD. "They" say that the pain gets easier..."They" are lying. It becomes easier to deal with, if you emotionally mature, but the pain I live with everyday hurts just as much. I cry so hard my chest feels like it's being torn apart. I can't see because my eyes are swollen shut from all the tears. I can't walk and I'm forced to sit down and wait until I feel ready to function properly again. It's awful going to school everyday. It's horrible knowing that I can't call you at lunch to tell you how well I did on a test, what boy asked me to prom, or how nervous I am for the basketball game tonight. It hurts to the point where I want to do something to myself that others may consider "crazy". But, I don't care. I feel like maybe harming this physical body may rid me of the emotional stress I live with every day. Then, I remember. You're in Heaven. You see everything I do and you miss me just as much as I miss you. You love me just as much as i love you. You worry for me now, but you know God will see me through. When you were here, I worried about you too, but I knew, simply because you told me, that God decides our fate and I would be okay. You would be all right. We would all make it through.
     The last time I saw you, you said, "Baby, I'm going home tonight." I told you, "Yeah, Mom. The doctors said you could come home with me and Sara and Dad. You'll be all better." You squeezed my hand and said, "No. I'm going home."
     I was confused, but it was time for us to go home, so I leaned in to give you a hug. I was trying to be gentle because I didn't want to hurt you, but you squeezed tighter than you could have a year and a half before. You held me and kissed my cheek and my forehead and my other cheek. Then you said, " I love you more than you can ever imagine." Then, you were gone.
     Three years have passed since that night, and I still can't fathom the fact that you are gone. I now know what you meant in our final conversation, but that doesn't make it any easier. I feel like our family has been torn apart, Mom. You've watched. You know. For the longest time, I felt like I NEEDED you here to be with me. When I did all those stupid things to get myself in trouble, or I hurt myself, when I felt that I had absolutely nowhere to go because I lost all faith in God, I blamed you for leaving me; for leaving us. Today, however, I came to a realization. I saw you when I was out of breath, my legs were on fire, and all my focus was at the end of that 200. Every good thing that's happened to me since you've been gone? It's because you've been with me the entire time. Happy Angel Day and I promise to live the best life I can until I can be with you again. Mom, I love you too, more than you can imagine.

 

 

 

Yesterday I was stuck in traffic and all of a sudden I started to think about when Lisa used to have me and kids do firedrills at various times when driving and having to stop.  A big smile came to my face just remembering those times and the laughter from all.  Miss you Lisa!!!

This past weekend I was working on memory photo albums for my kids, Shane and Cierra.  I ran across a few photos of my beautiful cousin Lisa holding my newborn son Shane.  Brought tears to both my and my husbands eyes.  She was there for me when he was born, sharing the joy.  I love you Lisa!!!!!

I like to think that Lisa and my brother, Jay, are up in heaven together, having all kinds of cousin fun together just like we all did when we were kids.

Well, today is the day. =] It's been two years since mom died and it's still hard for me to believe she's actually gone. I used to ask her why bad things happen to such good people and she told me that it was only because God knew that the good people could handle it. I thought she was crazy until she told me she was sick. I was so angry at her for letting this happen and I cringed at the thought of her leaving Dad, Sara, and myself. I was so upset when she finally died that I didn't even cry. I was in shock. Then I realized she hadn't left us at all. She's up in Heaven, waiting for the rest of us to catch up...

One of my favortie memories of her is probably the night she passed. It was just me and her in the hospital room. I remember she was sooo thin and pale. Her eyes were glazed over and she couldn't look at me straight. It was hard because my mom was(and still is) such a strong person. I started bawling almost as soon as I walked in. After I had finished, she took my hand and told me everything would be all right. She was going home. I told her "Oh yeah,mama! You're coming home soon. Everything is going to be all right and you'll be healthy." She looked right at me when I said that and said, "You're right. I'll be healthy and happy. Everything will be ok." She kissed my cheek, told me she loved me...That was the last time I saw her.

I misss my mom every day. I can't help thinking about life would be like if she was here. My first day of high school would have so much easier. She would have cried with me when a boy that I liked told me he wasn't interested. I can picture her in the stands at all my basketball games. She's yelling at the top of her lungs and telling me what a good job I'm doing even though we're down by thirty one points.

I realize that I can't be angry anymore. It's selfish for me to feel sorry for myself because my mom gave everything she had-her entire life- to me and my little sister. Now, it's her turn to be worry-free and have complete peace.

 

 

The kids and I were just discussing the other day about all the  times when Lisa and I would take the kids out for hot chocolate,donuts and drive around Kansas City to see the Christmas lights.  This was our ritual for several years when she lived here and when she lived in Texas.  I remember she would drive up for the holidays (always going the speed limit of course)  We all enjoyed the time we shared with her during the holidays. Saturday night we had hot chocolate, no donuts, but enjoyed the lights around the city and of course we had to do the plaza as we did so many years before. Miss you and love you...

My First Christmas in Heaven

 

I see the countless Christmas Trees around the world below

With tiny lights, like heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow

The sight is so spectacular! Please wipe away that tear

for I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year

 

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,

but the sounds of music can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you the joy their voices bring

for it is beyond description to hear the angels sing.

I love you Lisa and miss you. 

 

I remember how Lisa would call and ask for if my daughter(Kiyonna) could have playdates with Sara. She always had something funny to share with me.She will be missed greatly. My prayers are with you all.

Lisa kept the swim team at Atsugi going.  When the coach left and it looked like the end of swimming for the kids, Lisa stepped up and kept the program running for two years. We had so much fun on those bus rides to the St Mary's pool. It's  hard to believe it was just a year ago almost to the day, that we were at Jr Olympics - Dale sewing the award patches on Claudia's sweatshirt, Sara watching videos with Lukas, Claudia giggling with her "big sis" Briana, and Lisa making her Starbucks runs - and we all went to Fridays afterwards to celebrate. What good memories to keep forever.

 

Lisa was such a fun, wonderful lady. She gave her all not just to Briana and Sara who were so lucky to have such a special mom, but to the kids in the community who benefited from her caring nature. She had a big personality and lit up a room. Lisa was sunshine, and we all loved her so. 

 

The Kearn Family -

Kevin, Sherrie, Claudia & Lukas

 

When Lisa turned 16 years old Chuck and my family took her to Port Edward's Restaurant in Algonquin, Il for dinner.  We had a wonderful time and we had given her a sweet sixteen necklace.   My mom and dad were very fond of her and she was very kind to them.  Lisa you will always have a special place in my famly.  We love you Lisa!!

I met Lisa briefly our daughter's was on the same basketball team here in Atsugi and her husband work with my husband IC1 James C. Young we send our love to family and we keep you in our prayers. Lisa was very nice lady and very supports of her kids!!

Better start over, my memories of Lisa are when we were kids and we went to Illinois, we would build snow tunnels and forts in Crystal Lake.  Also when they would come to Iowa and bring their snowmobiles to GMA & GPA Murphy's farm.   One time when Lisa spent the night with us, I wasn't the best duster and she moved something on my headboard and there went the dust bunnies and Lisa was pretty sensitive to the dust.  So I tried to be better with my dusting from then on!  I'm going to miss her but I know she's in a better place and out of pain.  We love ya Lisa!  Sue, Kane & Kaci     

Lisa doing what she did best. She could pull a birthday together fast, and the kids would just gravitate towards her. She showed so much love and respect that the children loved her!

Each time I was with Lisa was a favorite memory.  Coaching Basketball, going to our kids soccer games.  Starting Bri and Grayson in kindergarten together, then waiting outside the playground together until the bell rang for the kids to go inside.  Going to Squigglies to swim.  The Moca Mammas was the best yet, she was our President and we all were blessed by her.  I watched Lisa start out as an unsure military wife and grow into a leader in our military community.  I am so blessed and honored to call her my sister and friend.  Lisa, I hope our homes are by each other in Heaven!!!  Be looking for me.  I will miss you but I'll see you again.  Love you sister.

My favorite memory of Lisa will be our trip to Vegas where she met Dale.  We drove from Austin to meet my husband and Dale in Vegas, realized we made great time, and decided to pick them up in San Diego.  We drove all day and night, talked about anything, everything and nothing.  We laughed so much on that trip.  It was just Lisa, me and the open road.  We spent so much time together, aside from that trip.  Trips to Mexico, to Corpus to the park with our kids, we saw each other on a daily basis.  We shared so much in the years we knew each other.  We laughed, cried and everything in between.  But that trip will remain with me for a lifetime.  Lisa, I love you and I miss you my friend! 

I have many memories of Lisa growing up.  We not only spend time together at our Grandma & Grandpa Murphy's, she would also stay with me at my Grandma & Grandpa White's.  Many fond memories of these times, also with alot of the cousins out walking the farm, or sitting up in the barn talking.  When she lived here in MO, she was at the hospital following the birth of my son.  She was with me thru some rough times, had that beautiful smile that just made things better.  My daugher, son, husband and myself love you Lisa!!!!!

My favorite memory is Lisa's smile. If you look closely at our family pics, she is always the one smiling, always the one laughing and always the one hamming it up for the rest of us & the camera - even as a small child.